Offred.
‘Of’ Fred.
In just six letters, Margaret Atwood condenses a story of power over, ownership, eradication of self, despair, jealousy, grief, loss, and violence. To be ‘of’ another is to be reduced to one role. To be ‘of’ another is to service another. To be ‘of’ another is to be an identity eradicated. To be ‘Offred’ is to be a religious vessel both revered and hated, a target of state and personal violence and hope, and a target of others’ jealousy, grief, and anger.
Being of: a complete eradication of selfhood.
It’s a nightmarish vision. But what if to be of something else was a blessing? What if one of the most potent prayers we can make is Let me become ‘of’?
Let me become of.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that my ‘being’ me is often through being activated into creativity. When I’m activated into usefulness, I create: I write, I ignite personal projects, I instigate self- and shared- relational and internal exploration. When I’m activated into stewardship, I create: I facilitate spaces to access the social field, I care for work that arises from a stewardship heart. When I’m activated to be a better friend and lover and wife and colleague and neighbour, I create: I spark opportunities for deeper connection, I carve doorways into a shared experience of feeling more loved, more seen, and more known.
The Long Continuum of Creativity
My life journey has led me to hold as true (always, lower case truth) that creativity dances our bodies as ebbs and flows on a long continuum. At one end of the long continuum, in its fullest activation, I find the Artist. At the other end of the long continuum, in its fullest activation, I find the Maker.
The Artist
In its fullest activation, the Artist is the eradication of humanness so completely that we become a vessel to be moved through. A vessel for Spark to move through. A vessel for Inspiration to move through. A vessel for Other to move through. A vessel for a Calling to move through. A vessel for the Mystery to move through.
To surrender fully into the Artist is to surrender our sense of self so wholly, eradicate our sense of self so utterly, that we become more-than-human. Our hands, our eyes, our mouths become the lived vessels that write that story, paint that picture, draw that blueprint, sing that music, and instigate that project. To become such a vessel, we must surrender into eradication; whether for moments, for minutes, or for days; hopefully (at least, I would hope), not forever.
I hold the Artist as not just painters in their artistic frenzy, writers blind to all but the paper in front of them, but also the Shaman’s dance, the Roman Bacchanalia, the Eleusinian mysteries, the Catholic masses, the dancers that shake the Earth with their drumming feet as they call up rain.
When I can’t sleep at night because I’m being flooded with creative downloads and am saturated with almost-fully-formed images, sentences, and new directions, I am the Artist. When I sit still upon a hillside, fully dropped into the natural world, and a visceral and visually-accompanied sliver of a story drops into me, I am the Artist.
Eradicating us, the Artist becomes art itself; barely aware of body, of humanness, of the make believe edges between us and everything else. The Artist is Creativity.
The Maker
At the other end of the long continuum, the Maker, in its fullest activation, is the most embodied experience of what it is to be humanness. Embodying practiced Specialism. Embodying time-gathered Knowing. Embodying personal Perception. Embodying our heart’s Love. Embodying unique Preference. Embodying honed Instinct.
The Maker draws knowledge from every cell in our bodies so we can make. It embodies our selfhood so utterly that our eyes, our voice, our hands birth the internal into a mirror form. To be the Maker, we must hold and hone our attention, our mindfulness, our focus, so we more rightly sculpt that clay, turn that wood, craft that guitar, build that boat, lay that home’s foundations, and produce that material good.
I hold the Maker not just as craftspeople embodying their chosen craft, but also the often unnoticed and seemingly insignificant crafting that brings food to the table, tethers communities, and stewards organisations.
When I am honing my work offerings, editing my Substack articles, facilitating a communal space, bringing my husband a sandwich for his lunch (from time to time), I am the Maker. When I stitch together neighbourly relationships, I am the Maker.
Embodied, the Maker becomes making itself; a long line of making that stretches back to the first humans that made tools, made fire, made shelter, made homes, made gifts, made goods, and made communities; a line that will continue through to the many generations to come (even if we likely wouldn’t recognise half of what they’ll make). The Maker is Creativity.
Let Me Know Myself as Ofnature
At their fullest, it seems to me, both the Artist and the Maker are ‘Of’.
Perhaps it could be held that the deep annihilation of selfhood that is the Artist is Ofart. Or, Ofother. And perhaps it could be held that the deep embodiment of humanness that is the Maker is Ofhuman. Or, Ofus.
But I think they’re both ‘of’ nature; that the long continuum of creativity is elemental.
Fundamental. Look at the creativity of the tree in its annual cycle of re-birth and letting go, re-birth and letting go. Look at the creativity of physics as two particles relate to each other unimaginable distances apart. Look at the creativity of natural ecosystems as they navigate towards balance and away from balance and back towards balance again.
Ofnature.
We are saturated with nature. Indistinguishable from nature. Dependent on nature. Arising from nature.
I used to ask a blessing for myself: let me be useful. Now, when I ask a blessing for myself, it’s let me know myself as Ofnature. Let my body be danced along the long continuum of creativity, a living ebb and flow between the Artist and the Maker. Let my stewardship be Ofnature. Let my facilitation be Ofnature. Let my relationships be Ofnature.
And, let me find that the continuum is not a straight line but a circle.
Ofnature. Complete. Fully. Dissolved.